i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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