dude i'm inner monologue high
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
