You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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