You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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