You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
