I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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