True but thats because hes a fetus.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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