i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
