I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
