But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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