My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
