I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
