Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
