bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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