I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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