am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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