I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
