What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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