YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize