is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
