Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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