His pubic hair was longer than his dick
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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