We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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