dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
