I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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