He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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