i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
