i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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