I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
