i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
