I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
