sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
