ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
