I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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