Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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