dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
