At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
