if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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