Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
