i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
