At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
