just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
