At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
