is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
