Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We talked him into tasing himself.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
