I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
