Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
home. puking in laundry basket.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
