you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
