what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
