That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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